Live Fully, Laugh Often, Love Deeply

Sunday Snap Shot Flower

2011-10-16T20:04:00.005+10:30

My sweet sweet foster baby who grew into a wonderful flower..... We had flower from birth and watched her grow.. At two and half years old the powers to be decided it was time for her to try living with her birth family.... Sadly this past week she went home and I have cried a million tears... How I miss my flower.....

My prayer is that she is safe and loved.... Miss you so much Flower....

Flowers first overnight

2011-09-19T14:42:00.000+09:30

Is tonight and I feel so sad I keep thinking the little things that I need to get done and how I would work around it with Flower... then it hits she wont be here tonight...

Or what I am going to cook for dinner tonight and how to wokr flowers food intolreance into it ..............then it hits me she wont be here tonight.....

I think how will need to be back at 4 for when flower gets back from access and then its hits me she wont be here tonight...

now I fee like I dont want to be here tonight

17th Oct - Flowers last day..

2011-09-03T12:58:00.000+09:30

Starting next week Flower will be no going 5 full days, that will happen for 2 weeks and then it will be overnights twice a week for two weeks then on to weekends and then gone by the 17th Oct.

Bubba GRRRRRRRR

2011-08-16T20:48:00.001+09:30

So if you can bare to hear any more read on!

After going back and forth on if I would send Flower with her Bubba I decided that its in Flowers best interest to have it with her! Its hers she loves Bubba.

SO today I sent it along only to get a msg from CW that while dropping off Flower to access the bparents said that the bubba IS NOT WELCOME AT their house AT ALL... That Flower DOES not sleep with Bubba at their house. And that Bubba was broken when we sent it.

(&%^&^%&*^%

Well that makes me want to blow my top you know the STEAM coming out of my ears type blow!

Why you ask? Well bios have photos on their facebook page of Flower ASLEEP hugging Bubba ? They are lying that she doesnt sleep with her! This Bubba isnt there for them its there for Flower and her comfort!?!?!!?!??!! W t ???????????????? How very selfish of these people and how sad for Flower

JUST ONE day??????

2011-08-11T20:42:00.000+09:30

Flower has a handmade "bubba" that we have been sending back and forth for her to have something that is hers and gives her comfort! She loves "bubba" and for a 2 year old she treats this so gentle with her... Well coming home from from access yesterday it wasnt sent home for her and Flower cried her self to sleep (there have been asked that they can forget anything else jsut dont forget "bubba")

SO I emailed today pleading they go and get it for her so we dont have another sad night, they went and picked her up and "bubba"s head was hanging off and was covered in dog hair and all dirty.....

I am so wild again and so sad for Flower am trying to get it fixed

forgotten......

2011-08-09T20:34:00.001+09:30

Flower was forgotten to be picked up from access today....... After waiting for 45 mins I rang office....

no one remembered to pick her up

REALLY how can I trust these people to do their jobs right if they cant remember the simple stuff?????

R u kidding me?

2011-08-08T20:39:00.000+09:30

after a requested meeting today was told that....

the next 3 weeks is the do or die of Flowers case.. if they can not pick up theit act (bios) that there will be desion that they will LOOK at stoping the restoration.

what ever happened the other week was enough for them to pull a days worths of access and to make them put in more check -ups. They have said that if they cannot pick up there act in the 3 weeks that its all down hill..

I cant help but think that if they could not get get their act into gear for 2 years then why does this next 3 weeks make a difference? And look if it comes down to it most likely they could DO it for 3 weeks... what about the REST of her life???????????????????

Kagen....

2011-07-23T21:25:00.000+09:30

preface to say that we are waiting on an appointment with a psychologist and that he has a nut allergy that when required needs an Epipen.

About a week and a half ago I came home from work and Kagen told me he wasn't going to eat his lunch. I questioned him why after 30 mins of no eating he said he was afraid to eat it, that there was nuts in it. There wasn't I made sure of that before I even bought the food home. But there was NO changing his mind. I let that meal slide thinking it was a one off.......

its now a week and half later and EVERY MEAL its the same thing not eating there is nuts in it....

Have talked to him, explained to him, got cranky with him, grounded him, nothing seems to make a difference.. I am at a loss as to what to do next...

He has become obsessed with reading every packet to see if there is nuts and will only eat if it does not have a word nuts. This makes things VERY VERY hard because as you know these days EVERYTHING says may contain or has been made on equipment that has had nuts.

I am so very stressed I dont know what do I can do and every meal has now turned into a battle ground

Sunday Snapshot - Arliah

2011-06-19T15:49:00.002+09:30

Miss Sassy - boy she will give me a run for my money :D

The words I had hoped not to hear....

2011-06-02T21:24:00.002+09:30

Flower is going home....

How I had hoped that I wouldn't hear those words. Don't get me wrong I always knew this could happen but as the days, weeks and months pasted those words were put back deeper into my mind. Until we got word this past Monday.. That Lilly is going home to her parents....

I posted on fb this..." That sick feeling in your stomach when you find out something you didn't want to know, sometimes you have to just walk away, and accept things happen for a reason..even if that reason hurts so bad.............everyone thinks that I am so strong, but I'm not as strong as you think I am. The fact is you just don't realize how close I am to completely falling apart"

I felt so upset so lost so sad so alone.... Then all these msgs of love and emails and phone calls.. And all of sudden I didn't feel so lost, alone there were people to hold me up when I wasn't strong enough to stand alone.

While I know that there ae harder times to come for now for this moment I have stopped crying.....

Time will tell.

Looks like at the moment that they will transitions Flower back to her parents with first her going from her 3 hour visits to all day visits that will happen for a while then they will make them 5 days a week that will happen for a while and then overnights will start... The timeline of all this I have no idea if it will be days, weeks, months.......

when to fight when to let go

2011-05-01T19:55:00.003+09:30

So what we have done this weekend
taken the issue to the highest people we can

who in turn taking it to the director of dept
the person I spoke to last night says that there are so many errors in Flowers case that
she is really shocked that this whole case is still going....
she doesn't understand why Flower was giving restoration yet other siblings 18 orders? (that makes most of us)

the flaws are starting from the start
is that Flower really should have never got the restoration orders but did
from those orders she SHOULD have been home within 8 months but didn't
case worker did NOT document any of the reports that was needed in year after the orders were made

this and why could not take it back to court to revoke the orders 6 months ago

so they CWs managers that the parents had to do the parenting stuff so they could get the info needed to made a decision

which they have been doing, and while they have not STUFFED this up they have not done a wonderful job either.....

and that my argument the whole time that if the RIGHT things were done then we would not be in the mess now
so I have taken it to the people to get them to take it higher...
I have one person should be calling me Monday (late afternoon) with some outcomes
and then will know more the following Monday....

yeah I am slack - but its DOING MY HEAD IN

2011-03-23T20:35:00.002+10:30

I have been so crap at blogging but its really just get away LIFE doesn't it!

First of we are ALL well Kagen and Tiarna started Year 4 this year and it was a very long start to the year with that first few weeks of school taking a while to settle in!

Arliah is loving Year 1 and started the year off well but the last few weeks shes been very cranky after school so not sure if it is SCHOOL or shes just having a long hard day!

Allans work has been busy with lots of time away and training!

I have been offered a full time job at Toy Library were I have been working casual for the last year and half. It is exciting and yet daunting change because of the person I am replacing she is an amazing person and I have VERY big shoes to fill!

The 2nd week in Apr I so to Uni for Resi School a week full of FULL on face to face stuff I am starting to get excited and scared at the same time!!!!

Flower is still here with us and had another day of SLEEP contact today this is like 8 weeks of it and she doesn't sleep there at all! It is driving me batty that they want to keep inflicting this on her but you know! Its the best interest of the child! BULL SHIT

With my new job I need to get some day care for Flower and have emailed and emailed and talked to so many people and still to this point 4 weeks later I do not have any answers... IT IS DOING MY HEAD IN

Regarding Flowers Restoration so far it still all AT ALL GO at the moment even through we have been told that one time shes going home then shes staying then shes going back?????? IT IS DOING MY HEAD IN

The end less shit that happens is just crazy! And getting the stupid comments from the Flowers Birth parents just tips me over the edge. Like for example don't feed Flower bananas because there is MILK in them! Don't give Flower LCM bars they are FULL of nuts?? Not cleaning her bum if she does a poo? Stuffing her food in to her mouth even when she will not open it to the point of making her puke! !!!!! IT IS DOING MY HEAD IN

The fact that Cws never return phone calls or emails regrading things that needed to be sorted! They cant give me any idea what will happen next just that they have until FEB 2012 to have something sorted! IT IS DOING MY HEAD IN

That when you have the manager of CP say I really do not think this will work but we have not got all out ducks in a row to take this to court (other words Flowers CW has not done her job becuase she is a F*(# H#@$%) That we have put Flower through 4 DAYS of access a week TO work out what to do next?????? IT IS DOING MY HEAD IN

Home Alone - if you dont count the kids!

2011-01-25T19:25:00.003+10:30

Allan is away for work again for 2 weeks this time! So keeping everyone busy while keeping them happy is always fun = add to that its school holidays and the middle of summer its a ball of laughs!

Toy Library is back at work this week so that means back to working 2 jobs! Never boring! Did enjoy the last 5 weeks off one job!

Arliah said to me today (while I was in the shower) Mum when will I grow feathers like you??????????? I am like WHAT?!?!?! And then worked out that she was talking about my pubic hair ((((oh my gooodnessss)))) was all I could do not to LAUGH!
I then informed Arliah that she too would grow feathers when she gets older! Arliah wasn't happy about that!

2011-01-20T19:24:00.003+10:30

Flower has started a new thing at access

since she was born she has been unable, cant or wont sleep at access (it is done in the bios house) Every-time they have tried she screams blue murder and gets so upset....

So they are going to push her access times into her NAP time so they can get her to have a day nap there. I have had to write detailed notes of how to settle her and how I put her down for a sleep.

I am hoping she doesn't come home so upset and wound up that she doesn't sleep that night...

I had to explain that when I packed her food for the day there was not as much in there because she will be there for lunch only... (Bios complain I don't send enough food)

LETS hope Flower sleeps... for her sake...

When Flower came home out of sorts....

She didn't settle well at all lots of screaming and crying...

I heard that bmum took her out of the cot many times before she fell asleep...

then to top it off the contact time ran out so they has to wake her up to bring her home????????????????????????

I am so MAD because even before she left and the day before I SAID that if she isn't awake then let her sleep!?!!?! How hard is it????? Its not rocket science?!?!!?! Flower was ready for bed about 30mins earlier than normal but settled in to bed ok....

That night she was aking with night terrors so many times it was a very long night.

THEN CAME ACCESS number 2
And it was horrid she came home a mess Flower didn't sleep at at all today and screamed and cried would not eat her lunch or drink her bottle.

to add to this putting her down to bed last night she is all a mess and so very unsettled.. I feel so bad for her it hurts. And she is hurting and I do not want this to turn into a huge change in bed time for her because she is getting all upset?
is there anything I can do this really doesn't seem fair on her at all???

Before they started all this she went to bed at nap time and bed time with no hassle at ALL

It has also run into the next sleep and nap time with the same upset little bub...

way to long since a post

2011-01-17T21:06:00.003+10:30

I haven't posted for so long because I have felt like life with everything has just not moved..... I hate roller coasters and this feels like a never ending one.

Flowers case is now at a stale mate as the dept feels they do not have ENOUGH paper work to take it to court to revoke the order. So they need to get all reports done NOW (because of slack case work before hand)

Flower is now the crash test baby

As THEY work out what paper work is needed and no idea of what when and how this will all end..

Well there is on date they have to do something at the very least by February 2012 because that is when Flowers orders run out....

TO add to this Flowers bio parents put this article in the paper! Which caused a bad time with the small town gossip asking so many more questions,,,,,,,,,,,

DoCS reneged on deal
to reunite family: dad

By Andrew Robertson

A Broken Hill couple who lost care of their daughter shortly after her birth has accused the Department of Community Services (DoCS) of reneging on an assurance that the family would be reunited this year.

The girl, who is now 14 months old, was removed from her parents soon after she was born and placed in foster care under a court-approved care plan which recommended a two-year restoration period.
But the girl's father said staff from the department's local office told him and the girl's mother they could expect to be reunited with their daughter in 12 months' time, which would have been August 4.
"That never happened," said the father, who does not want the identity of the family revealed.
"They just stuffed us right around and did not give us any indication."
In order to get their child back the parents have to meet a number of requirements, including attending parenting classes and curbing their alcohol use, which the father said they had done.
"We changed our lives, everything's back on track but they're still giving us the big stuff around."
He said the department's only explanation for not returning his daughter has been that she smelled of cigarette smoke after returning from her visits, and that the couple's cats posed a risk.
Shortly after she was removed from their care the couple had unsupervised access but the father said after 12 months that suddenly changed. Now they are allowed to see her three days a week for three hours during supervised visits.
He said they had spent about $7,000 on equipment and clothing for the child which was never used and has since been given to a neighbour.
The father said his daughter was removed because he and his partner were going through a "rough patch" which involved weekend drinking sessions when they would get into arguments with each other.
He said the alcohol had a serious effect on the girl's mother who takes medication for epilepsy.
"She was having seizures."
He said his daughter was never in danger of being physically harmed.
"But now we don't drink at all."
He said he and his partner, who have a second, older child who is also in foster care, were now "100 per cent capable" of caring for their children.
In a statement DoCS said the safety of the child had to be its priority.
"Community Services understands that these parents are looking forward to having their daughter returned to their care and are working towards making changes to their lives or this to happen," they said.
"In all cases, however, the wellbeing of the child must come first and our role is to ensure birth parents are in a position to safely care for their child before a restoration takes place.
"While the restoration of this little girl is proceeding, the process has been delayed because the parents are not yet at a point where their child can be returned safely."
The department said the parents are dealing with a number of complex issues that have contributed to the decision to delay the restoration.
"The process has not been delayed simply based on the reasons given to the newspaper."

So stick that up ya pipe and smoke it!

2010-09-13T15:33:00.000+09:30

Since Flower has been with us we have been using a communication book to let bios know of when, what, how and why ... Mostly been well taken by bios who have said Thank you a few times for what we have done....

Since the bios have been told that they are all heading back to court they have started ripping the pages out of the book. (which I thought at the time is slightly odd )

Since I fractured my foot there have been 2 times I have forgotten to send the comm book and they have jumped up and down because I didn't send it! OK I get that you are use to it but if you really need to say something then put a piece of paper in the bag with it on!

Well today I sent it and updated that she has a been sick etc.....
ONLY to be abused back in the book with BIG CAPITAL LETTER writing as to why we haven't done this or why we have done that?!?!?!

Well I have had it! I am not sending that book anymore! So stick that up ya pipe and smoke it!

(BTW WE HAVE DONE the things they said we didn't or did)

yeh ok I might be a little TOO wound up at the moment~ but I do feel a bit better TO VENT it

2010-09-05T14:00:00.000+09:30

Me - Sunday Snapshot!

2010-09-05T13:16:00.006+09:30

Torn ligament off my heal bone week in cast

Go back to doctor Another week off with the MOON boot added! Oh and a CT scan to see if I need an operation!

crutches and Kagen are my new best friends!

Oh a mental note to all! Dont do things you tell YOUR kids not to do! Like jumping down 3 sets of stairs! Other wise you will LOOK like me!

Hey two posts in one week!

2010-08-31T10:03:00.002+09:30

Nothing like a sore foot to SLOW you down!

Life seems was running faster than I was! Flower has was in hospital overnight due to a very high temp! The first doctor looked in her ears but found nothing then an hour later another doctor looked in and said she has a bad ear infection! Flower was given medication and sent home the next day!

That same afternoon we picked up Flowers older sister who I will call "Lolly".
Lolly came for the weekend to have some bonding time with Flower. Lolly is 3 years old and is a sweetie! But Lolly bought some friends with her "NITS" It wasn't a small town it was a thriving city! I spent an hour of finely combing her hair with the products and nit combs! No word of a lie I got upwards of 300 nits out of her hair!

Saturday morning I was running out to the car to get my handbag out! And jumped off my front step (instead of walking down them) Landed on my ankle that rolled and then I heard a POP! Ahhhgggg WAS so painful.... I felt like I was going to pass out! Off to the hospital we headed!

The news was
Torn ligament off my heal bone week in cast then back for a check up!
LIFE is never boring!

Poor AL 5 kids and a wife on crutches! Thankfully all the older kids got right in and helped out! VERY proud of all of them!

Lolly was great to have here and looks like we will be doing this ever other weekend. Lolly is more than welcome as long as we don't have her friends bacK :P
Arliah and Lolly spent most of the weekend playing together happily.

Having the next week off work I am going to find some "ME" time to catch up on some "blog time"!

I can take a hint

2010-08-27T21:23:00.002+09:30

I was told I had not updated in well too long!

Life is still crazy busy I sometimes wonder why my spare time is now the time I use to sleep!

Study

Well I still love it and I am getting there! I have a resubmit on an essay by this Tuesday and for the same subject I have to submit the 2nd one by Sunday. Its full on and trying to get my head in it or around it! :P

Kagen is a different boy its been over a year since we changed schools and we are so thankful for his new teachers and new school! He is such an amazing BOY and so very proud of him! He school work is on the up and up and has moved up in all areas!

Tiarna She is a very sweet loving blond! LOL! And her sleep walking well that is always a crack up! School is going very well and she is loving SRC! Tiarna's teacher said she is wonderful to have in her class!

Arliah LOVES school hard to get my head around that shes almost been there a year! So very smart already! And thinks shes got two boyfriends!

Flower Just turned One and is such a blessing in our lives.. We still are awaiting news as to what will happen. They have pulled back access and looks like they are trying to revoke the restoration order. So that means back to court again and more waiting!

I think its going to be a good 3-6 months before we even have an idea of what the next step will be then prob will go either of 3 ways

I am guessing first one they put her on to long term orders till 18,

second they throw out the revoke of order and continue with restoration and have it start again working up to full time with bio parents.

the last of the 3 which OF all of them hope it doesn't go this way! Is stop the revoke and restore within a month!

so I will just have to take up a hobby or something to keep me sane! Oh that's right I dont have time for a hobby LOL!

Arliah - Snapshot Sunday

2010-05-30T13:35:00.005+09:30

Madly in love with this child my baby and always will be my baby! Arliah who started school this year and went from a shy child to a child with turned into Miss Spunky! Arliah told me 3 days after starting school she told me I didn't need to walk her in anymore she was old enough to do it her self! (the twins needed/wanted to be walked in the whole year when they started!)

Arliah has a strange thing of getting herself into trouble. While in the act of doing the wrong thing will call out to me and let me know that she is DOING the wrong thing!

Everyone calls her Little Miss Chatterbox because this gal just doesn't shut up! I am so sure she could talk her way out of a wet paper bag! But in all that talk she is always telling me how much she loves me! And will then 5 mins later tell me she loves me more!

I have to say of all my kids Arliah is the one that is always around, always wanting a cuddle or a kiss. I think of her as my little Koala bear you can pick her up to cuddle her and let go and she is still hanging on!

Arliah has a super kind heart and is always looking out for others. If I say I have a headache she wants to get me some thing or asking what can she do to help. I would be so lost without my baby and cried tears when she started school this year!

I pray that she will never stop been as sweet and caring as she is now...

May is almost over? Wow How did that happen?

2010-05-25T20:50:00.002+09:30

It has been crazy busy here!

Study study study work work work and 4 kids oi oi oi oi! Really I feel like some days I am just chasing my tail!

I went to Sydney for a workshop for my study! Left home at 3am Friday got on the bus from hell, 30 drunk smelly UNI students who just wanted to chat and fart and get me intoxicated by the fumes they were letting off! Arriving in Sydney at almost 10pm Friday night! Met by Amber who looked out for me! Spent two full days in workshops and was tested AND PASSED! Out to dinner the Saturday night with new old friends! And back in the train home at 6am Monday and getting home at 8pm Monday night to my kids who missed me like CRAZY~

Flower is still here and still going to access 3 times a week for 3 hours at a time. We are waiting on word to see what will be the next step up or down from here but I have gone into more of that on my foster blog..

Oh and I got a tattoo! They were having a fundraiser here and the tattoo artist wanted to tattoo 65 roses for cystic fibrosis day! So I rang and joined in! All the money is going to a GREAT GREAT cause and after reading the following blogs for a while now I thought WHY NOT!

Happy Birthday to me!

2010-04-23T09:51:00.002+09:30

Life is so busy with kids work and study! But I am still alive and trying to catch up

Dis and Dat! 2 Jobs 4 kids and STUDY!

2010-02-28T13:32:00.006+10:30

Life has stepped up a gear...

I am now working two jobs still at Toy Library (LOVING it) and now at DOCS (Community Services) Doing contact work which is picking up foster kids taking them to access with the parents (supervising the access) then taking them back to their foster parents. The only access I don't and cant do is Flowers.

I have to say that it has been such an eye opening experience been on the "OTHER SIDE" of it all. How the kids act around their parents.
Some of these kids have been put though hell and back yet the love they still have and show and the awe they have for these parents blows me away.

I can really see that this new job will teach me to open my eyes a little wider and be thankful for the life I have had.

Still studying but have changed track a little I am doing Diploma of Community Services (Case Management) and Allan has decided to do this as well so we are both heads down bums up!

Kagen, Tiarna and Arliah are LOVING school! Arliah hates the weekends and wants to go to school then as well! LOL!

I am heading to Sydney in May and still waying up all my options of getting there~ I could go by BUS/TRAIN which would have me leaving Broken Hill at 3AM and getting to Sydney at 8pm THAT night!

or

I could FLY leaving Broken Hill at 6:30am and getting into Sydney mid morning and having the day to recover before I need to do 2 workshops for my study!

It all comes down to $$$$$ as there is a BIG difference! from $200 to $500..

Flower is now rolling ALL the way over! She is such a smart little cookie and has a smile that EVERYONE says could melt ice on a cold winters day!

A LONG restoration...

2010-02-15T12:17:00.001+10:30

Had the meeting with CWs today to get updated from what happened in court!

A LONG restoration is what has been handed down by the courts.

so access will increase by an extra hour each visit. Then they will review that in 8 weeks if all goes well they want to add another day to access.

None of these will be unsupervised YET they will need to show over the next 4 months that they are coping with this level of access. From there they will look into 5-6 access with part of the time supervised. Keeping working up until its goes to an overnight visit etc...

IF ALL GOES TO PLAN AND IT ALL WORKS OUT the minimum amount of time Flower will be here is 12 months from now.

If this is it!

2010-02-07T20:00:00.003+10:30

And I'm so scared I might forget,
Just don't want this to end just yet,

Not just yet.

But if I had one chance to freeze time
And stand still and soak in everything,
I'd choose right now.
And if I had one night with sunshine to break through and show you everything,
I'd choose right now,

And if I could stop time so she would be mine... But alas that isn't going to happen!

Flowers court date is on Friday! We will know what is going to happen with her! From what I can understand it is about 90% chance that she will go home to her birth parents..

Restoration.... over a pre set time frame

first they will make access 3 hours 3 times a week
for set time

then they will do the 4 visits per week for a set time

if that works then they will do a whole day on a weekend (I think)

THEN if that is all going well they will look at one overnight once week...

I really don't know what time frame they want to do all this over so if this plan gets approved then I guess we will find out!

Please keep Flower and my family and me in ya prayers to stay strong.. And to have peace with what the courts decide...

My Baby starts BIG school...

2010-02-05T21:22:00.004+10:30

She was so brave went off without a tear...

I on the other hand was a blabbing cry baby!

Arliah loves school! Told me that it is "Bloody Fantastic Mum" Err ok!

Then told me that she doesn't need me to walk her in to school as she is NOW a big girl!!!

Wish my kids would stop growing... And I would stop crying becuase they are growing up....

Sunday Snapshot - Kagen

2010-01-31T15:29:00.007+10:30

Kagen - Kags - Bullfrog

My boy!

Kagen the boys boy! Always seems to find him self as one of the only boys in everything! From parenting groups to home life he seems to be the ONLY boy~ Even the fosters kids we have had are girls~~~

Tells me often that we need another boy in the house!

He is shy but so sweet and caring! Stubborn as a donkey!

He has always been my WORRY child with eczema and asthma! If its going around he will get it!

I love him more than life its self... WELL I do with all my kids!

Kagen loves sport and building and making mess!
It is often said to me that Kagen is so smart he asks GREAT questions and seems to have a GREAT understanding of life!

We have had him in counseling and found out he was been bullied in school... We changed school and we saw a different and much happier Kagen! Now we are having him tutored to catch up on what he has missed from not been happy at his old school... Worth every penny!

I only hope for GREAT things and I am sure Kagen will be GREAT at what ever he puts his heart into!

2010-01-30T19:28:00.002+10:30

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KAGEN AND TIARNA 8 years OLD!

2010-01-29T10:10:00.000+10:30

Shouldnt I be happy?????

2010-01-28T09:55:00.001+10:30

Its my twins 8th birthday today and I am feeling old..... Well OLDER and the next few weeks are coming with a lot of change..

My Arliah will start BIG school next week leaving me home with Flower! BUT the week after next her court orders will come though.. (it mostly like will be restoration to bios within 6 months IF not sooner!) Or could be home to bios in a week!

I am feeling very lonely, sad, lost, wanting something more... I about 3 seconds away from bursting into tears..

Then I think what on earth is WRONG with me! No one is sick! We haven't been though anything major like the earthquakes in Hatti!

I should just shake my self out of this feeling of sorry for my self...

what a week!

2010-01-16T19:41:00.003+10:30

Sending the car into get serviced wasn't going to be to big of a deal, our mechanic had said that there were a few little things that needed to be done but overall it wouldn't cost us to MUCH!

Monday afternoon they ring and said "Its really bad news!" I felt sick and ready to puke with dollar signs spinning around in my head. They went on to say that we were looking at at the very least $5000 to fix not including what he hadn't found when he opened it all up. Worst case we were looking at 1000s of dollars, he went on to say that he COULD patch repair it so you could sell it!

I hung up the phone feeling sick and getting an instant headache! Al and I talked and talked over and over both heated and non heated conversation. We had over talked every different option. There wasn't a pretty way out of it at all!

SO IT CAME DOWN TO these....

option 1
IF we fix the car we want to do a total overhaul at the moment the prices is only to half fix the engine
I don't want to half fix it then have no money if the other half frooks up
so it would cost prob around the 10 000 to do all that

option 2
we buy a brand new car! Will be tighter but we are kinda going to be stress free without the worry of of the motor blowing up!

I went into see what the trade in would even be with our old car they said only $10 000 the same amount we needed to fix! It all seemed so back to front to pay to fix a car that was only worth the amount! And who was to say that it wouldnt fall apart again in 2 years time????

We decided that we would apply for a loan to get the brand new car and if that went though then that is what we would do.

Never in a million years did I think we would be drving a BRAND new car at the end of this week... But we are!

2010..... Stay on track!

2010-01-08T19:45:00.002+10:30

Having to sit down and try and write this post a few times wanting to set some clear goals for 2010...

I have started and then stopped and started again. I have found it hard to define what I want out of this year. Arliah my baby (who at 5 isn't a baby anymore) will start school in the first week in FEB. So all 3 of my bios will be at school and that will leave Flower at home.

Flower well she may be here she may not! Flowers case goes to court the middle of FEB and baring any more hiccups we will know what the plan is for her. The options are

1: court order return to parents (this been my worst case as they can return her the same day as the court orders! And leaving me all alone at home at the same time in FEB)

2: restoration to parents over a set period of time, this could range from 3 - 6 months with some weekend overnight visits to bios. The time she spends will increase each time until she is spending more time with them than us.

3: Court ruling of a 1,2,3 or 18 year older. With it returning to court after the allotted time frames. (Apart from the 18 year order and I really do think that this order will not be done.)

So Flower wise it is up and down like a mini roller coaster! And trying to work on my own feelings, thoughts and getting maybe little of that thing called ME time has been hard!

I want to do more! I want to help more!

HOW WHAT and WHO is what I need to work on!

Another thing is surrounding myself with people that do care about what I want in life. I feel like there are people in my life that are dragging me down like a chain and ball.

My theme song for 2010

2010-01-04T20:52:00.002+10:30

I know its a kids song from a kids movie but this really does talk to me!

please read / listen

I can almost see it
That dream I am dreaming
But there's a voice inside my head saying
"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying
Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes might knock me down
But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm gonna remember most, yeah
Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be a uphill battle
Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain
I'm always gonna wanna make it move
Always gonna be an uphill battle
Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing
Keep the faith, baby
It's all about, it's all about the climb
Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

It twas a few days after Christmas...

2009-12-30T15:48:00.005+10:30

Had a lovely Christmas day..

Lots of food

Lots of gifts

and lots of love...
what would you want more?

just wanted to share some photos from the day

Arliah

Me and my Dad

Tiarna

I got my Christmas Wish......

2009-12-22T15:30:00.003+10:30

Flower will be with us
till at LEAST February!!! After that we are still waiting on what will come. We are hearing that restoration to bio parents is most likely the plan.

2009-12-16T21:58:00.001+10:30

Thank you for the msgs you left after my last post...

it was good to VENT

Did you hear? I ruined my family?

2009-12-14T21:09:00.004+10:30

was at the kids swimming lesson's and this lady comes up to me and says

"You have ruined your family your life and you might as well sign divorce papers now!"

(because I do foster care)

I was stunned had no come back no words..

Sunday snapshot Tiarna

2009-11-29T19:54:00.010+10:30

Tiarna Grace was the 2nd born of the twins... Came out crying and hasn't stopped since! Hence the nickname "Drama Queen"

Tiarna has a smile that will melt your heart and a heart as big as her smile!

Tiarna has always had a knack for GETTING in to everything and making a MESS!

My baby girl is growing too fast! She is 7 years old going on 26!

I have seen the way Tiarna cares for her brother and sister it makes me so very proud of her!

I can see that Tiarna will always have that sweetness in her and I hope she never forgets how much I adore her.

Tiarna is fantastic at Basketball and I love to watch her play! She does well at school and always seems to have an answer to everything! :P

Of all my kids Tiarna has to be the blondest! Some of the comments just leave us all in tears of laughter!

Tiarna came home from school in a rotten mood... I ask her "Are you like this at school?" She says "no way I have to be nice and good at school!!!!" ?!?!?!?!?!?!? hmmm What about at home?!!?!?

OR this one.....

Tiarna says to me this morning "Mum did I use to be blonde?" To which I say to her "yes honey and you still are!" Her answer to that was... "Oh wow I didn't know that!"

Court was adjourned

2009-11-24T20:51:00.001+10:30

Till I think next week... I think because CW was really out of it when I spoke to her on the phone... (think she was having a tough day)

but a report that they were waiting on needs more time for all parties to read though it hence the delay......

SO we wait some more..

I have found some peace on the thought of her going home...

Already in a knot....

2009-11-16T20:10:00.004+10:30

I had my first lil tear today..

Flowers case goes to court next week....

they are doing all the court appointed assessments this week... I have been told by CWs that bios having been preparing themselves for them...

I have been ok about it till today....... while I was putting her to bed it came over me that it could be only a few short weeks and she could be going home....

Who knows what the courts will say... Lets hope and pray that make the right decisions what ever it is.....

Testing Testing ....

2009-11-01T13:00:00.003+10:30

Kagen had testing done this week at his new school. It was done to work out at what level he is at and if he has fall behind from all the crap that went on at his old school (these posts here will update you 1 2 )

6 tests were done and 5 of them put him 18 months behind of were he should be now. The last test put him 1 year ahead (this was a receptive skills test)

When I got the kids to bed that night I was so very upset angry mad I was just plain nasty! I was blaming myself and I was so cranky with the OLD school for letting it all happen!

I have since calmed down and its amazing what words of advice from friends and a nights sleep can do...

So where do we go from here...

first - Occupational Therapist to rule out a learning disorder (they do not think there is one but to be sure as that last he tested above his age and wouldnt have if he did)

second - Intensive Tutoring they are wanting 3-4 times per WEEK!

third - The school will place some programs for him but they are limited to what they can offer

We have put wheels in motion for the tutor but that is proving to be harder than we thought as of the commitment that we need is too much for the people we have spoke to about it.

We are getting together info about the OT but again to get an appointment here in town looks like the wait is around 16 months! So we will need to travel out of town for that.

Chrismast Gift ideas in our house!

2009-10-24T09:47:00.002+10:30

Mama's got a new job!

2009-10-16T21:13:00.005+10:30

AND the hours are perfect!

Tuesday and Wednesday from 9am - 1pm

Sweet As!!!!

I am going to be a outreach worker with a place here called Toy Library that provides a service for families to borrow toys, enjoy time with their children. Another person and I will take toys out to kids that cant make it in to the Toy Library...

I am pretty excited!! YAY ME!

Oh and a lil pic of me and my bithday GAL

Happy Happy Birthday our gourgeous Arliah

2009-10-15T19:46:00.000+10:30

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Flowers Heart!

2009-10-11T19:09:00.004+10:30

We are back from Adelaide!

Flower had a busy day starting at 8:30am ending at around 2pm

lots of tests but she did so well I think I worried over like a mother hen! Had a little giggle when I was told that she looked just like me!

The end result was that her heart will heal its self! YAY!!!!

The not so great news is that her eyes are delayed and will need to be checked again early next year! Hoping that she will be able to catch up before her next appointment!

A little about me!! I tell you I was so worried about going on the plane by myself and had really had myself all in knots by the time I got on the plane! The plane was only a tiny one 33 seater plane! The last 10 mins of the ride were the worst as the plane was up and down and sideways!! I am not a show ride fan!! Knowing that I had to turn around and do that flight again in less that 24 hours I wasn't feeling very calm coming home....

But when I arrived home and stepped off the plane I thought to myself I DID I really did it! I felt on such a HIGH!! Now I am not in any rush to jump on to many more planes but I do know that if I have to do it!

I CAN!

..

Crazy

2009-10-06T21:43:00.003+10:30

tomorrow is the first of Flowers Dotors appointment first one for her eyes

then I have an apointment tomorrow afternoon

then Thur I have a job interview...

and then fly out to adel on Thur night for the Friday morning 9am appt to see the heart doc!!

that should take about 4 hours and then we fly home Fri night....

oh did i mention that hubby is away for work again

"wondering how I am going fly on a plane with bubs an...d hold on for dear life to the plane" Not a good flyer!! any tips?

How many balls? Too much stress = Unhealthy Me!

2009-09-29T09:19:00.003+09:30

Feeling like I had too many many balls in the air and not enough hands.. And if I didn't put one of the balls down I would drop them all......

After some re-working of the family budget and talking it though. I have quit work. I am disappointed but feel a great seance of peace about the decision.

I LOVED the job!

But the hours were too much. I had asked for less but didn't seen to get less they were ringing me all the time asking for more... I felt sick to my tummy every time I said no. Also shift starts at 6am and not finishing until 9pm and night shifts just wasn't working for our family.

AL is going away once a month for a week at a time made it even more nutz!

I told Arliah that I would be able to spend more time with her at home! To which she told me "I don't want to spend more time with you!" Thanks darling I love you too!

On the upside work has told me that in the future if I want to come back they would love to have me.

And even if my one of my kids isn't happy about more mummy time I sure am!

We are safe!

2009-09-23T19:38:00.001+09:30

Just to let you all know we are safe! That dust storm was pretty scary! I have to say I had to keep telling my self (in my head) That I am the adult dont show fear!!

WHAT happened here today

2009-09-22T20:15:00.001+09:30

More prayers needed!

2009-09-17T20:26:00.004+09:30

well you go for one thing and find another!

Went to the pead and they checked flower out from top to bottom...

first things first there is no structure probs with her eyes but they are still going to get the Pediatric Opthalmologist to see her in Oct.

They referred us straight up to the Opthalmologist who checked her eyes as best as he could. There isn't anything HE CAN see that could be causing the issue but it is something they want the Pediatric Opthalmologist to check flower. Also they said to keep in mind that Flower was born 5 weeks early and that by adjusted age shes only a week old.

While checking flower they found out that she has Heart murmur

So we now to take flower to see a pediatric cardiologist...

but there are none here so we need to go to Adelaide... Which is a 5 hour drive or an hour plane ride...

Prayers for Flower!

2009-09-16T10:47:00.003+09:30

Flower had her first set of shots yesterday and her 6 week check up.

I had some concerns that I was going to bring up. But before I could even do that they asked about her eye sight.

She isn't focusing on any objects or tracking on anything

... We now are waiting to get in to the pediatrician to get referred to a Pediatric Opthalmologist to work out what is going on...

Probably the worst thing I could have done was google the topic!

Tough week

2009-09-12T21:27:00.004+09:30

Al went away for work this past week and boy was it tough! Home alone with 4 kids 2 dogs 2 rats and 2 fish... Not that the pets were much trouble but you know what I mean....

I have to say that I take my hat off to the single parents of the world!!! How you do it just blows my mind!

We had a rough start..

I had to take Flower to the hospital because she got a nasty lump under her eye. After a 3 hour wait at the hospital we found out that she had a blocked tear duct. They were able to open it up and all this gunk came out!

The next day I lost Tiarna.
She went to a friends house and I was to pick her up 2 hours later! I got the address. When I left to pick her up (putting dinner in the oven to warm) Well I went up and down this street that I was told to.. Could not find the house ( the street is split in two by a huge water treatment plant)

After driving up and down the street for 20mins getting out and asking if anyone knew the house number. The numbers ended at 170 and then started again 279 the house I was looking for was 234...
So I rang 3 different friends who didnt know where this house was. After more calls and now 50 mins of going nutz I found the house!! it was two blocks from where I was looking... I was beside my self with fear and kicking myself that I didnt get a phone number! Flower was crying and Arliah was car sick!

Talk about earning the Worst Mother of the year award! And burning dinner!

That night Flower was up every hour so I was as well! I think her eye was really bothering her..

Feeling worn out and on the end of my rope Kagen was up most of the next night with Asthma...

And to top everything off because it wasnt a big enough week I drooped a boiling hot water kettle over my foot.... Can we get an OUCH!

2009-09-04T14:06:00.000+09:30

adjourned for 2 weeks then from that 2 weeks they are doing a submission?!?! That takes 8 weeks then we will go to court again...

so we have Flower for another 10 weeks

there is a side note... birth parents want to meet us at the office..

Case Worker's are saying its our decisions but would be prob be good thing as we are in a small town and the chances of us "running into each other in public" is very high!
So at least it would be a controlled meeting..

Court today...

2009-09-04T09:20:00.002+09:30

Flowers case goes to court today..

I have to say that I am praying that the best out come for all esp Flower will be reached...

If that means she goes home today or in the next few days.. I have mentally prepared myself for that....

Or if it means that we will have a lil longer I am up for it!!!

But will take each new day with her as a blessing for our family to be the ones to look after her..

I am hoping either way we will know something sometime today...

Love the smell of babies!

2009-08-28T16:42:00.002+09:30

I really have to say how much I am really enjoying Flowers stay with us!! There is something about newborns there smell and their innocence! I am getting as many cuddles as I can without spoiling her :P

Flower is sleeping eating and pooping in four hour stretches! (well not pooping that much)

We don't know much more about what her court orders will be. Just that she could be gone as soon as next week and been staying as long.. Well as long as they need her to stay!

Trying to keep the mind set of "ENOJOY EVERY moment that she is here"

I have totally been getting some funny looks around town! People looking at me then at Flower and you can seen them thinking "hmmm I am sure she was pregnant last week!" Then that leeds into the all the questions of who she is? why do we have her? And some way to personal questions that really irks me!

And one question I GET all the time is "HOW CAN YOU GIVE HER BACK?"

And I am not lying when I say that YES it will be hard but I have always known that SHE is not mine and that there is mostly likely going back to bio parents! I do hope that she is here a little longer (for my own selfish reasons)

OH and there is a little something on the FOSTER BLOG!

Denver Jack

2009-08-22T15:50:00.002+09:30

9 years ago today you were born and died.. Its been 3285 days since I held you in my arms my sweet boy..

"Godspeed, little man Sweet dreams, little man Oh my love will fly to you each night on angels wings Godspeed Sweet dreams

Shes here!!

2009-08-20T15:19:00.003+09:30

Will be updating my foster blog soon!

UPDATE ED!!

2009-08-18T13:21:00.004+09:30

No bubs today!! It is looking like Thursday!

Ahhggg Wont get too excited until shes in my arms I think!

Little pink bundle!

2009-08-15T19:43:00.004+09:30

Well have spent most of the day washing baby clothes and blankets and sheets because ......

Late Monday or early Tuesday morning we have a new little foster bub coming to our house!

She is only just a week old! OM Goodness here come the sleepless nights!

The kids are excited!! Al is off on business!

It is going to be full on!!

venting.. Feeling like a YO YO

2009-08-11T20:15:00.005+09:30

As you know I started my new job 3 months ago and its been up and down to say the least!

Don't get me wrong I wanted this job!

Just wasn't mentally ready for the learning curve of changing to whole new profession!

In this job until all police checks came back I worked in what is called buddy shifts getting to experience different areas! At one point I had a massive panic attack and was ready to throw it all in!

But I stuck it out knowing that YES change is a BIG part of life!

3 day before going on my solo shifts I was rung and told that I would go from working with the Adults to working with the kids (I had not DONE ANY shadow shifts with them)

SO went from feeling almost comfortable going alone to OMGooodness back at the start again!!!!

But again I got though it and I AM REALLY REALLY enjoying working with the kids!! I look forward to GOING to work!

Until the other day when the boss turned around and said I only there for another month then I will be back working with the adults!

TO SAY I was bummed would be a HUGE UNDERSTATMENT! I really love working where I am now! And I REALLY do not want to keep going back and forth.. I feel like I am starting again now!I also feel that I am gaining the trust of the kids!!! These kids dont like change.

SO I asked my boss if I can have a chat with her soon to work out what could be done... I also told Al what I was doing and how I was feeling...
He got upset and pretty much shot me down in flames for everything wanting to bring this up!

SO here are my questions....

1 only been in the job such a small amount of time what rights do I have?

2 can I ask to be left where I am? (even if I ask for drop in hours to fit in take on the callin hours when someone gets sick)

3 What do I say to Al??
I want to tell him he is been unfair! I have surported him in his 3 job changes!?!?

I need someone somewhere to ask these questions.......

last day of raffle!!!!

2009-08-09T10:21:00.002+09:30

Come on!!! HELP out! Get you little bum over there!!!

Who INSPIRE me

2009-08-08T21:25:00.002+09:30

Who INSPIRE me!

His hands His feet

I have spent the last 3 hours reading the blog above! I started with the newest post and read back! But I found myself reading more and more and couldn't help but to keep reading! I have now read this blog from end to end! I have cried tears of happiness.

This family really needs our prayers that there house situation will be solved!!!

infectious diseases - hand foot and mouth

2009-08-06T21:19:00.003+09:30

Ugh!

Didnt I just say?

2009-07-29T10:36:00.002+09:30

I am sure that I just told you all that I wouldn't be working in the Children's Respite House! My how thing can change! After "happily" completing my last shadow shift in the adults house and feeling GOOD to go on my own! I get a phone call on Friday night asking me to sign the shift forms for the Respite house! Now been a bit dazed and confused (my new normal) I say "no I am not in that house I am in the adult homes" Now there is a bigger state of confusion from me and the lady on the other end of the phone! So after about 4 phone calls and one of them been to my line manager! I find out that I have been moved to the Respite House!! Woohoo!! And OMGoonedssss I haven't done ANY ANY shadow shifts there and my first LIVE shift starts in only 4 days!!!

(side note here I am not GREAT on change I LIVE too much in my own little comfort zone! And I just felt like I was getting me feet on the ground with the Adult homes!)

Yes I know I said I REALLY REALLY want to work in the Respite House! BUT AGHH!!! So I was able to get in ONE shadow shift in on a day that the Respite House had only 2 boys in! These two boys both have Autism and have the worst Behaviors of all of the kids that come into the home!

It started and I felt a bit like a fish out of water! (And one moment of rushing to the bathroom to puke my breakfast) I started to feel a little better and then was confronted with one of the boys who doesn't like change doesn't like new staff and I was both! SO I was hit and kicked and almost bitten! It was so confronting! I both scared and crapping my undies and was so hard trying not to show this on the outside! I got home and felt both physically and mentally drained! I had read about these Behaviors but to be in the firing line was a whole different story!

Well in a few hours I am ON my first REAL shift and have so much more I need to learn! I do feel that this job will be an ever changing always learning job so I am going to need to toughen up!

If any one is still reading LOL and I havent drove you all mad! If you have any GREAT info on Autism - books, web sites etc let me know!

The Tom cat is away and the mice will play?

2009-07-20T18:48:00.003+09:30

Allan is off on business till Thursday so its just me and the three kids, 2 dogs (1 we are puppy sitting) Oh Two dogs we are feeding for friends while away, two rats and 2 fish! No don't think I am going to be too lonely!

And don't think I am going to be bored as the kids are still on school holidays, A foster care review, the twins are having a hearing test and my mother in law is going in for an operation! I need to get my butt into gear as I have an essay due soon!

I worked today! My last shadow shift! From now on my shifts are all by myself!
SO bummed as my work at the children's didn't work out because part of my police check hadn't come back so at the last minute they rang and said no! But funny enough I am ok with that has it gave me more time to get to know the adults in the supported houses!

Work have said that when they can get the red tape sorted out that I will get my chanced to work in there!

The adults I am working with have such varying disabilities including Down syndrome, severe to profound mental disability, Cerebral palsy and combining that with those that have seizures and those that have extreme behaviors makes it for a very full on job! There are some that have to have all their needs met to those that can do their own showers etc! I am finding it very rewarding and come home dog tired but happy!

2009-07-16T21:37:00.001+09:30

We Picture This- Love Story

2009-07-15T21:34:00.003+09:30

They really do love each other....

Geting into the swing of work! And week One! And!!!

2009-07-10T20:33:00.005+09:30

This week has been a really good week!

I have almost stuck to my diet! LOL Broke out today and had a not so great lunch today! But the rest of the week I went really well!! And I got out and exercised 3 times this week so I can say week one of diet did ok!! I will weight myself on Monday!

I worked this week and really have started to feel SO much better about work!! I don't feel like I am going to totally lose my mind! Knowledge is power and the more I learn the more I don't feel so worried!! AND IN no way do I know everything about my job!

I also get to work in the kids house this week so I am looking forward to doing that! More learning heheh Hey brain might explode :P

WE MAY have a foster care placement coming up! But still waiting for more info on that!! All I know so far is it is a BOY who is 3!

Did you know that 20 kilograms = 44.09 pounds?

2009-07-05T19:11:00.005+09:30

And starting today I am needing to lose that amount! Ugh I knew I was overweight but I didn't know I was over the top over weight!!! UGH!!!!!

I have to say looking at that target at the moment it seems so outta reach!!?!?!

I really need healthy eating ideas!!!

My biggest fault would be my snack eating and I need health ideas for it!!

Ahhh and if you have a sec wish me luck!

Panic attacks are H.O.R.R.I.B.L.E.

2009-06-17T20:13:00.002+09:30

In my new job I look after people with disabilities who live in grope homes. In our area there are 6 homes with 2-5 people in each home. I have been doing a shift in a new each day.. So on top of getting to know my job I felt like I had been throw into the deep end with no floaties

Today was REALLY horrible! I was at work and about 2 hours into my 4th day ay my new job! And I had a full blown panic attack! Nothing was working I couldn't calm my self. I told the girl (I was shadow shifting)That I need to get out of there.

I came home and just bawled my eyes out! I called Al at work and told him what was happening. Deciding the best idea was to call my boss and talk.

I told my boss how overwhelmed I was feeling about the job and how I felt going from one house to the next house to the next I was really feeling like I couldn't cope it was too much to take in and that if I was excepted to work by my self after these few shifts I didn't think I would be able to be the right person for the job...

My boss was so very understanding. She her self has had panic attacks before and she has only been in her job only 2 months so knows very well how overwhelmed I am feeling.

After talking my boss and I have decided that I will only work in two house's until I get a feel for the job... And that I would do more shadow shifts....

That I have attacks I know they are no where as bad as they use to be! Days like today bring it all back down to earth...

I need to get back up again.

Cause when push comes to shove You taste what you're made of You might bend, till you break Cause its all you can take On your knees you look up Decide you've had enough You get mad you get strong Wipe your hands shake it off Then you Stand

Priceless

2009-06-14T16:06:00.004+09:30

First week of new school DONE

Extra fuel driving to new school $20

Counseling sessions $80 per week x 8 weeks

New school uniforms $300

Hearing your son say he loves you and thanks mum for the first time in 3 months

PRICELESS

I really wish that I had done this 6 months ago! My heart so struggled with making this decision and now that we have done it! And the kids have been going to the new school for a week! They have settled in so much better than I had even dreamed they would!

Tiarna's teacher told me that she really has relaxed into the class asking lots of questions and socialzation really well! When I asked Tiarna how her class was she said it was 100 times better.

Kagen well were do I start? First it was seen this smile on my son that I really have missed! That was the first day of new school! When we asked how his day was he said it was and I quote from Kagen here "It was FANTABLOUS!"

Kagen is making friends and has already been invited to a birthday party and been over to visit a new friend!

For me one of the biggest changes is seen that "spark" back in Kagen! The last 2 days Kagen for no reason at all has come to be and hugged me and told me he loves me! For the past few months he hasn't done that, he has been so withdrawn that even when I told him that I loved him he wouldn't answer back.

It was hard not hearing that from him and then this week to turn around out of the blue... Oh how my heart skipped a beat and I had to hold back those tears until he went away...

A weight has been lifted off his shoulders you can see Kagen standing that little bit taller!

Kagen has even seen that at his new school they will deal with kids straight away! There will be no bullying at all!

I know this has only been the first week but I also know that if in one week we can seen this much change then it was well worth all the pain and sleepless nights to see my son

smile again....

Wordless Wednesday almost

2009-06-10T21:36:00.001+09:30

Ch CH ch CH changes!

2009-06-07T17:19:00.003+09:30

I am going to pack a lot into this post! Because well a lot happened in the last few days!!

If you remember I had thought about changing the kids school!

Well its done! They start this Tuesday!

But I will back up a little!

I mentioned that in last weeks counseling session Kagen had named the bully's! Well I took the information to the school and did not get the answer I was hoping to hear! But hoped that they would at the least do what they said! THEY didn't!
Monday Kagen got hurt in front of the teacher!

The teacher told Kagen that he knows what this "CHILD" is like and well put up with it! HMMMMMMMMM NO NOT the answer I was hoping for here!

So back to the school talk to them again! Still fed the same life of BULL!

I also decided to ask for Kagen to be retested for his reading level as its been 6 months! I was sadden to find out that he has not moved up one level since the start of the school year! Again I question as to why nothing has been offered to help him?
Their answer "he is not at a bad enough level to require and extra help! If you want to get him a tutor"

Well I am so sorry but that was the straw to brake the dam!

I was on the phone calling other school that have been given a good report by others... I leave a msg with one! (who doesn't call back!)

The other school I call and talk to the principle who tells me all about his school! All about the anti bullying policy they have! How they help kids if they are struggling at ANY level! (almost sounds too good to be true)

I arrange for a meeting so that Allan and I can talk some more at the school! Again everything sounds really good!

We (Allan, me and the new principle) decide that if Kagens counselor thinks it a good idea then we will move the kids to the "new" school!

I talk to Kagens councilor and explain whats happening asking her what were her thoughts on moving Kagan to a new school! She said DO IT!!! Don't think twice about it! It will be the best thing you can do! And even offered to tell Kagen in session so she can help with any worries he has from it!

So from there it was rush like mad time to get everything set in place to transfer the kids to the new school!

On top of all that I had my last day at BIG W! And the next day I started my new job!!

I really hope that the kids go well at the NEW school!!

I GO IT!

2009-05-29T22:24:00.002+09:30

YAY me!

I got the job! They rang today! I think I was jumping around on cloudle nine for about 2 hours after!!!

I have put my resignation letter in to Big W today! My last shift there will be next Thursday and I will start my new job Friday!!!

Job interview

2009-05-22T10:01:00.001+09:30

Today I have a job interview and I have those pre interview
butterflies. Not having had a job interview for nine years makes it
worse.

When I sent in my application I said to myself I would be happy to at
the least get an interview!

The job is working with foster children in a residential house. It is
shift work so it will be working all at times of the day and night.....

Well wish me luck !!!!!

Sent from my iPhone

Anxiety in Children.... Kagen...

2009-05-21T09:57:00.002+09:30

Week 3 of counselling for Kagen has come and gone well. Kagen is looking forward to this time with his councilor! To the point that when she was running late yesrterday he was disapointed that she wasnt coming at all.

I am so glad that I went with my gut and got the second opinion! Going over the school councilors head! We are seen a private councilor and her name if Fi.

Fi said yesterday that we are starting to see what makes tick. Kagen has very high anxiety levels for a child his age. Fi is hoping to help him bring those levels down and to help him cope better.

While working with Kagen yesterday Fi was able to see the start of an anxiety out burst from him. I explained that this is what we have been going though with Kagen for the last year or so. Not that I would want to put Kagen in a position of feeling such anxiety on demand it was helpful for Fi to see what is happening.

My heart aches so bad that Kagen is dealing with this level of anxiety! I know how real an anxiety attack can feel and how scared I become! While dealing with my own fears I had always prayed that my children would never feel such panic!

I look into my sons eyes and I see the joy he has! He can be such a spunk and always makes me laugh!

My son is so amazing....

Never give up!

2009-05-18T13:33:00.004+09:30

Tiarna taught me a very important lesson today. No matter how hard or how tough the odds are against you don't ever give up!

I really wish I had the photos to show you this!

Tiarna was entered in to the ALL Schools Cross Country after placing 3rd at her school event!

Tiarna was so excited and really wasn't sure what she was getting her self in to but went in it with a smile on her face!

They grouped the girls in bigger age groups so instead of Under 7s, Under 8s, Under 9s by themselves they placed all of them together!

Tiarna was the youngest of about 30 girls and when the race started Tiarna was off like a bullet! Leading for at least 50sec of the race!

But then the length of the race hit her! It was 2kms long (1.2 miles) and the race she ran at her school was only half that!

A two lap race and when Tiarna passed us the first time she was about middle of the pack. On the second pass she was running last.

She didnt stop she kept going! When Tiarna rounded the bend for the finish line I had tears running down my face...

I could see that she was spent and upset! Then AL ran out to her and ran the last 100 meters with her! SHE finished the race with Daddy running along side her! As she came over the line the announcer cheered for her and congratulate Tiarna for her effort! The other kids clapped and cheered for her as well!!

I am so proud of Tiarna and of Allan (who said that he was spent running the 100 meters hehehe)

Yup I am blonde!

2009-05-13T18:13:00.002+09:30

I couldn't work out why the net was running so slow..

I did all WELL ALMOST the normal things to make sure it was working right. Nothing helped so I guessed it must have been the modem it was on the old side and Al's laptop was doing the same thing as the desktop!

Bought the new modem hooked it up and while setting it with the right settings it needed to log in to my ISP as soon as it did that a message popped up!

It read

This is to let you know that your BigPond Broadband service has been slowed to 64kbps because you have reached your monthly usage allowance

Oh dear!! So I didnt need a new modem at all! DOH! Allan is still laughing at me!

On a side note I had to network Allan's laptop to the new modem and was sitting at my desk. Moving the mouse but it for the life of me would not move on the laptop! WHY YOU ASK?!?!??!?

I was using the mouse on the desktop not the laptop!!!!

YUP I AM BLONDE!

2009-05-08T20:27:00.002+09:30

I have really struggled to express my feelings at the moment. I am torn between failing as a Mum to is this just like every other boy his age?

Kagen still is giving us grief. I keep hoping that it will work its self out but it isn't! I have had him to the school counselor but she was as helpful as a ashtray on a motorbike!

So I took it the one step further and went to a private one! She seems nice and the good thing is that Kagen is happy to go! And unlike the school one didn't say that Kagen is a nice normal happy boy!

They did a drawing of some glasses that had labels like HAPPY, SAD, ANGRY AND EXCITED. It was so heartbreaking to see that Kagens happy one was only coloured in a tiny little bit. I almost started to cry when I saw this! But didn't want to in front of him.

I want to know why he isn't happy! I want him to be able to tell me how he feels. The counselor thinks we will be able to work this out with a few sessions with her!

I worry that this is not going to get better! I have spoken to other parents that say that there boys are doing things the same!

How I wish I was only been an OVER the top mother! I don't want my Baby boy to be sad... I want him to be happy live life to the fullest!!!

We have decided that we are taking a brake from Foster Care for the next 6 months. Hoping that it will help Kagen with some one on one time!

I started thinking about not fostering and I thought it would be a hard decision! But I keep telling my self that we haven't had any placements since Jan and I know of other foster parents that are still waiting for their first placements!

ME and BROOKS and DUNN!!

2009-05-05T21:39:00.002+09:30

Really can words top this? I dont think so!

Meeting Brooks and Dunn at the airport!

Very happy..... Us ready to boggie!

2009-05-04T22:57:00.001+09:30

Just before the start of the concert..

2009-05-04T22:55:00.000+09:30

Shopping at the queen vic markets

2009-05-03T16:44:00.001+09:30

View from our room

2009-05-02T21:20:00.001+09:30

2009-05-02T21:17:00.001+09:30

I have to say that the last mi. Feeling I wasn't going to come away I
was already my kids and we had t even let broken hill! But I made it
almost 12hours before I had my little cry..... The plane ride down
wasn't bumpy at all. But I sat there with the death grip to my seat.
I am sending this update from my phone so don't five me a hard time
about me spelling! I will try and post some photos.
Sent from my iPhone

2009-05-01T16:03:00.001+09:30

Test

Sent from my iPhone

New job, Birthday, University, Brooks and Duun

2009-04-26T20:57:00.007+09:30

Allan applied for a job last April! In July he got a call for an interview! Totally got excited! Then didnt hear a thing not a yes or a no! In November we heard from some of the contacts on Allan's CV that they had been contacted! Ahh news he was still in the running!

December, January, February, March roll by still nothing!

Then last week Allan got the CALL! he had the job!!! Wohoooo!!!

It is less hours than he is doing now! But more money!!! And it is a government job so it will a very safe MOVE in these hard times!

University I got my major essay back it is 50% of this whole unit I am doing this term! I PASSED!!!!! YAY me!!! I was so very stressed! Thank you Andrea! (who proof read it for me)

On Saturday we leave (without kids) to go to Melbourne so we can go to the Brooks & Dunn concert!!! Drive to Mildura (3 hours) Fly to Melbourne (1 hour 20 mins) WOW!
The kids are staying with the in laws!

And this past Thursday it was my birthday! I turned 32! Arliah told me that I am now old! Heheheh!!

Outback Yabbing

2009-04-15T14:09:00.014+09:30

We all went Yabbing on Monday it was a really nice Autumn day and the kids loved it!

I don't care much for the eating of the yabbies! It was so nice to get out of the house!

Here are some photos (remember to click on the photos to see a bigger photo)

Way outback! The little white dots are sheep!

Yabbies

How about this for a new house?

Lots of room to run around for the kids!

And only needs a few little touch ups!

Mamarazzi Photo Contest: {daughters}

2009-04-15T09:09:00.001+09:30

Canon EOS 400D DIGITAL
F/10
1/200sec
ISO-400
Focal length 255mm

Happy Easter!

2009-04-12T13:58:00.001+09:30

I hope that you are able to spend it with the ones you love...

still sitting in a hole...

2009-04-10T18:36:00.003+09:30

first I want to say sorry to all my bloggy buddies who I haven't been over and read your blogs!!!

I have dug myself into a lovely hole of self pity and just trying to dig myself out!

WARNING ONLY READ ON IF YOU ARE NUTZ!

First off I have had the toothache from HELL the one that you have the pain the panadol will take the edge off turned into one that had shooting pains that felt like lightening to go with the first part! Not one type of pain killer would even PUT a dent in the pain!!! It of course started on a Friday night and no dentist is open until Monday! SO by sat night I was in pain and was puking from the the pain just to add a nice touch to everything!

Monday morning rolls around and with VERY little sleep or food I GO to the dentist to be waiting on the door step when they open up!

They want to do a root canal I say no please just PULL it! They start!

30mins of pulling.......

1 hour of pulling feeling sick and have a panic attack!

Dentist calls hubby to come down! Told that they have only moved my tooth a very small amount!

1 hour and 30 mins of been in a head lock......

2 hours of PULLING and TUGGIN AND me almost fainting! THEY GET the blooming tooth out!

The last 3 days I have lived with the post op pain of a VERY difficult tooth pull wondering when the PAIN is going to go away and when can I open my jaw again without hurting!

Now I am not sure if the pain I have now is normal or not and guess what EVERYONE is closed for Easter so I will need to wait until TUESAY to see if this ok or not!!!

Going to go back to my little pity party!

Measles

2009-03-26T12:52:00.002+10:30

Hey what would it be without a Kagen has done, been into, or got something!

KAGEN HAS Measles

And the funny thing that I guess isn't really that funny is the first question I am asked is he immunized? Not if he is ok or how are you!! Yes I did get all the shots! But Kagen is one of those lucky ones that got it even after been immunized!

Kagen only seems to have a mild dose of it thankfully! But in any case the kids are ALL home from school! (JUST in CASE for the girls)

By 10am they were all fighting with each other and saying they had nothing to do! They had played the sing-star, read book, been outside, fought over who was cheating at Monopoly and played with Kagens Lego! At the moment all 3 of them are in playing with the barbie dolls and I can hear Kagen yelling "I am the QUEEN" and singing the song "I am a barbie girl in a barbie world"

Kagen apart from an all over body rash is feeling fine and the girls well they have no signs at all of coming down with it!

And here I sit trying to hide hoping if I lay low then they will! AH ha ha! Oh no I have been found Kagen cant get the hair tie out of bleach blonde barbies hair! And Tiarna is asking me to cut an ice cube in half? ! ? Oh it is going to be a long day!

Fried hair! keeping it real!

2009-03-23T13:39:00.005+10:30

I was looking for a before photo to show you! The one before I cooked my hair with the hair straightener! Couldn't find one! But came across this one!

Taken at my 18th birthday party! It is a sweet photo of my Dad and me! One of those rare photos that I like of myself! If you click on the photo you can see HOW long my hair used to be!!! Until kids came along!

I look at that photo and how innocent everything was then. How much struggle was to lay a head of me. Would I done anything different then if I had known? I don't think so! Because it would not have lead me to the road I am on now!

Here is a photo taken today! After the needed hair cut from cooking my hair! This is the shortest I have ever been! I am still working on doing it so it looks nice! As you can tell I haven't worked it out YET!
But I look into this photo!

I am not as Innocent as I was. I am fatter! LOL! AND still have pimples!

But I am a mother to 4 children,
I am a wife,
I work hard at my job,
I am studying hard to better my self,
I need to be a better friend,
and think more about others.

I still doubt myself but really trying hard to stop that!

This post was going to be the funny one on HOW I fried my hair but turned into a big self reflection.......

we picture this...black and white

2009-03-23T12:37:00.000+10:30

Poo balls....

2009-03-21T21:11:00.002+10:30

The latest thing in our house is Poo balls! I have found them in Kagens room now 3 times after you get the whiff of something that shouldn't be there! So after doing the major clean of the room (the kind where you move the room around) And in the corner of the room right down the VERY back of the big cupboard what do I find!?

POO rolled into little balls as you would do with play doh!

Can we get a EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW make me wanna PUKE!

I asked Kagen why if he knew about this? He admitted to it straight..
WHY
"Oh I don't know!" was the answer!?

OK

I would think that a younger child would be more inclined to do this but not a 7 year old.
Any tips or advice?

I have done the whole line of WE DONT do that type of thing!
Its really dirty!
it will make you SICK

I am thinking this should become Kagens blog!! LOL I don't think I have done so many posts about one issue!

Rats - Meet Rascal and Mavrick!

2009-03-20T13:49:00.004+10:30

Slightly better WEEK!

2009-03-07T20:01:00.002+10:30

Yes you heard me right! Not just a day we had a WEEK!

We talked to Kagen's teacher who said that she was very happy boy in class. He is full of manners and always thinking of others! He does have some handwriting issues but then tell me a boy that doesn't?

The newly tested reading level is now 18! When it was tested last year it was 7. So our hard work is paying off! (we have been working with Kagen everynight with reading, phonics, maths and tricky words) We have done it with all 3 kids. So not to single him out! Tiarnas new reading level is 30 she was at 22 last year.

Now if we can work out the playground issues I think we may be on a roll!

But I am happy to say that this week I saw that sparkle in his eyes! That cheeky little Kagen I know! I pray that it is only the start of a lot more sparkly to come........

Kagen..

2009-03-03T09:48:00.005+10:30

Well I have talked to just about everybody I can think of! I have appointments set up with his regular teacher (who is back today after been away for 2 weeks) I am also awaiting approval for Kagen to see the school counselor she has rang me and I have given her a brief outline of what is happening.

I will let you know how the meetings go! They have talked about doing an I.Q test, hearing test and a sight test. If anyone has any info on what they may be looking for could you shoot me a note!

People have questioned if all this has anything to do with foster care. I don't think so but I am aware of how foster care will effect my kids. It is something I have always said from the start that my family will always come first!

Kagen had a great weekend! Not that he spent much of it at home! We are working on little things with him! The first thing is! We are buying him a pet RAT! We hope to know when it is getting here next week! YES I know what your first thoughts are EEEEEEWWWW but in researching the how to's and care of a rat. I am now thinking they are pretty cute!

You may ask why? Well I am hoping that it will give Kagen something to bond to that is only HIS. Another outlet! I hope that it will help with his self esteem! We pet sat a dog a few weeks back and this little dog and Kagen were like Peas and Carrots! Also he seemed brighter while this dog was here! I know it isn't the answer to all of the worries but it is a little something to start! I also know if it doesn't work out that I will be the one looking after the RAT!!! Um-mm oh well!!! Another baby!!! heheheh!

Honest Scrap - Winners

2009-03-02T13:46:00.003+10:30

See POST below for how it works!

I dont know if I can do 7! But who I have chosen I have thought hard about and these are people I look up to and learn from!

1st Australia to China

2nd The Happy Hippy Chronicles

3rd The Waala Family

4th Life with Ebony

and 5th emzeegee and the hungry 3