Friday, May 08, 2009

I have really struggled to express my feelings at the moment. I am torn between failing as a Mum to is this just like every other boy his age?

Kagen still is giving us grief. I keep hoping that it will work its self out but it isn't! I have had him to the school counselor but she was as helpful as a ashtray on a motorbike!

So I took it the one step further and went to a private one! She seems nice and the good thing is that Kagen is happy to go! And unlike the school one didn't say that Kagen is a nice normal happy boy!

They did a drawing of some glasses that had labels like HAPPY, SAD, ANGRY AND EXCITED. It was so heartbreaking to see that Kagens happy one was only coloured in a tiny little bit. I almost started to cry when I saw this! But didn't want to in front of him.

I want to know why he isn't happy! I want him to be able to tell me how he feels. The counselor thinks we will be able to work this out with a few sessions with her!

I worry that this is not going to get better! I have spoken to other parents that say that there boys are doing things the same!

How I wish I was only been an OVER the top mother! I don't want my Baby boy to be sad... I want him to be happy live life to the fullest!!!

We have decided that we are taking a brake from Foster Care for the next 6 months. Hoping that it will help Kagen with some one on one time!

I started thinking about not fostering and I thought it would be a hard decision! But I keep telling my self that we haven't had any placements since Jan and I know of other foster parents that are still waiting for their first placements!


Margaret M said...

Thinking of you my friend. you and Kagen are in our thoughts and prayers!

Maggie said...

Here are my thoughts. Other parents will tell you things are typical because they don't always know what else to say and every kid does have emotions and issues like Kagen is having from time to time. But you know differently. You know that something is up with him right now and that he needs help. Ignore the "that's typical" comments, even if they're well intentioned. Continue to go with your gut and get your kiddo extra supports and help.

Slugger deals with an awful lot of depression too. But, in a weird way, I'm excused from the mommy guilt because the things that weigh on his mind are from the first 10 years of his life before I adopted him. I think it's only natural for you to hurt and feel badly that he's so upset right now. But you're a great mom. You have wonderful instincts and you love your kids so well.

You're doing everything you can for him. Just keep it up and he'll get through this.

When does school end there? I know we're heading into our summer vacation soon, but I think the school year is different in Australia, right?

Stefanie said...

Oh, Chelley. I am so sorry to hear things are tough for your boy right now! I know you are worried, but you guys will get through this. Raising kids is full of joy and sorrow. If only we could keep our children from any unhappiness, but God uses these things to bring about growth and ultimately.. JOY!
Big hugs!

Janine said...

You know your own child best and it sounds like you're well tuned in to Kagen and will know what he needs. I too have occasionally taken breaks from fostering when the family has needed my time and energy more. Don't worry, you'll be back to it before you know it!

Fliss and Mike Adventures said...

A ton of hugs to you... you have a very, very big heart... well, you all do..

Happy Mother's Day though

MMrussianadoption said...

hope you find out what is causing his sadness and how to help him. hugs

OziMum said...

Awww Sweetie. I hope things pan out in the very near future with K. He IS a gorgeous, happy boy - he's just lost his mojo somewhere along the way. Hope he finds his joy soon. (((hugs))) (and you're not an over the top mother - you are a mother that cares deeply about the happiness of her son).

Kate said...

You are a wonderful mum and you are probably the reason why there is some happiness in his glass at this time.
You are doing everything you can to be there for him and get him the help he needs.
Hang in there - I am praying for both of you. xx


living4him5 said...

I wish I had some words of wisdom to share but I can tell you Trevor went through a time when he was about 9 years old, he is now 16. Anyway, at that time he had put on some weight, not much but enough to make him feel "fat" and come to find out he was called fat at school. In time, he and I came up with some creative ways for him to eat better and he had a major growth spurt which helped as well...My point is this, it was HELL to see him struggle about his body image and his sadness. I did all I could on my end but it was just something he needed to come out of by his own will. TOday, even as a teenager I can see how that time in his life helped change him into the wonderful person he is. He now goes to the gym 4-5 times per week, eat healthy and will not put soda or fast food into his body. He also is very sympathetic to those who struggle with weight and encourages his friends who need extra support. Kagen will get through this, do all you can on your end but try to remember there will be a reason for this challenge and it will most likely mold him into a more compassionate person. I think we all feel more compassion once we've experienced some kind of hardship and as much as we want to protect them from everything including there comes a time where we just have to pray for resolution and hold on to them as tightly as we can and remind them that no matter what we are always going to be there for them. I hope all this makes sense...

Big hugs from a mom that's been there...Amy