Tuesday, May 08, 2007

Open and honest

How do you be open about something that has ruled your life?

Please dont think less of me after reading this....

From when I was 11 years old I have had panic attacks... My first when I was on a Melbourne tram coming home from school, I was by myself and started having heart palpitations, it was the most frightening experiences of my life...

After that I had them pretty often with nobody in my family really knowing I just tried dealing with it.... I never told any of my friends been worried that they would think I was stuipid or even worse not want to be my friend.....

After having the twins I had them pretty bad and went to the doctors in a mess.... He asked me to go on Zoloft only the min dose once a day... I was so affraid that if I started taking them that I would be on them for life...... but after 6 months I cut down to half of my dose and within 4 months I was off... That was a great feeling not to be on them....

After having Arliah I was back to that feeling again but this time I knew what I had to do to get my self better so I went and saw the doctor again and was back on Zoloft....

I know that they keep the panic away but I have to admit not very many of my VERY close friends know... I feel so ashamed that I am nutz or that they would think I was nutz????

Why is it so hard to tell them? I mean I would trust them with my kids why not my fears?

I dont want them to think I am a less of a person.. Or that I cant funtion... Even sharing it here on blogger really worrys me what if whoever reads this.... doesnt understand and just never is the same after this???

sorry for rambling I am trying hard to put to rest fears that are deep inside of me so that one day I will be drug and painc free..... So that I will be able to do things that I dream of...........

7 comments:

Maggie said...

It's not uncommon, Chelley. There's nothing to be ashamed of. To me the most important thing in this post is that you sought out help when you needed it. Maybe it inhibits you from doing things now and then, but it doesn't change the great person you are one single bit.

Beverly said...

I have panic attacks too brought on by high stress. The best thing to do to figure out what is triggering them is write down the before and afters of what is happening. Then you can take steps to help prevent them or at least be aware that they will be coming. They are very scary but knowledge is truly power. You are not alone in having them.

MMrussianadoption said...

I agree. It is important that you sought help. If anyone of your friends cant understand, then they are not really friends. I don't feel it should affect your friendships, but if you feel it will, writing it here or in a personal journal might help.

MMrussianadoption said...

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OziMum said...

People that would judge you, because you have panic attacks, and actually sought help... well, they wouldn't be friends anyway.

I only just found out that my Mum has been on anti depressants for the last 5 or so years! I was shocked, but I think I was mad at myself for not being there for her in her time of need. Panic/Stress/Anxiety/Depression are all very real and severely debilertating illnesses. Its not something in your head. It is a chemical imbalance. You are normal. You are certainly not alone, in your condition. You did the right thing, and sought help. Good for you. I do hope that one day, your dreams may be fulfilled.

Tee said...

You're SOOOO Silly sometimes....you should know that whatever you do or anyone else does in our gang, noone judges. You are sensible to adress your needs, others let them lie dormant for years and this can do more damage.
See I'm still around!!!
Love Ya
Tee
xxxx

Chris and Kar said...

You are brave and I admire you! You should never be ashamed of this and should feel proud of yourself in the way that you have been able to handle such a difficult thing. Thanks for sharing!